The Price of Nostalgia, Part Deux

This is simply the proof that I was Speed Racer some years ago. So, the second price of nostalgia is self-humiliation. I will spare my brother the picture of the two of us together, with him wearing a pumpkin costume. Poor little dude....

The Price of Nostalgia

In less than a week, fans will be lining up around city blocks to see the man with the whip back in action. However, part of the problem is that the man with the whip, Indiana Jones, just got his AARP card. Likewise, Speed Racer is currently raking in some money at theaters with a live action film, sort of. Nostalgia based films are nothing new to the movie market, this is for sure, but something about this year’s crop has me more agitated than most. Of course, it may just be the motion picture industry we’re saddled with right now more than any particular year’s worth of films. But now I’m just splitting hairs.

Something hasn’t set right with me since I heard that a fourth Indiana Jones movie was going into production. Harrison Ford was already well into his sixties and the idea of bringing back a beloved film icon well past his prime for an action film was laughable. Sure, there was a part of me that was a little excited, as I love the character and the first three films. But then I began to hear details about the production.

The first thing that had me worried was that George Lucas hadn’t written a sequel in eighteen years because of a lack of ideas. A lack of ideas over that long of a drought means that it should probably have been left alone, like the Ark of the Covenant. Sure, the thing has the power of nostalgia, but it will ultimately destroy anyone who dares open it and retrieve its history. But, when Lucas finally did come up with a story, it was something akin to “Indiana Jones and the Flying Saucers,” or “…the Saucer Men from Mars.” Seriously. As part of a three-headed hydra with veto power, Harrison Ford and / or Spielberg nixed that idea and the production went on hiatus.

Cooler heads didn’t apparently ultimately prevail as the project went through multiple writers without success including four very capable writers in Frank Darabont, Stephen Gaghan, Tom Stoppard (no less) and M. Night Shyamalan, the latter of which couldn’t even finish a treatment as he couldn’t get the Trio to focus on what they wanted. (And it’s beginning to look like Kevin Smith’s tales of Hollywood idiocy aren’t so far fetched.) They ended up with David Koepp, a writer with some success whose flops can be overlooked for writing Panic Room and Spider-Man.

However, some of that alien element, reportedly, still survives the plotline. Ugh. Hasn’t the X-Files overmined this particular claim? (Speaking of which, there’s a new X-Files movie coming out later this year as well) Even with a script, we then get back to the still increasing problem of Indy’s age. To combat this, the Trio decided that the method of storytelling be less a 30’s serial form (which worked incredibly well for the first three films), and instead take cues from 50’s B-movies, as that was when the film would be set. Now, the Indy films never took themselves too seriously, but they also never became camp. I can’t believe this was ever approved.

To make matters worse, Spielberg demanded that Shia LeBeouf fill the role of the young man who could or could not be Indy’s son, as he reminded the ‘golden glow’ director of a young Tom Hanks. Apologies to any Tom Hanks fans out there, but that’s not exactly what Hollywood needs. Besides, LeBeouf already got in his nostalgia licks with the appallingly bad Transformers, of which there will be two sequels. Yay.

In a recent interview with Entertainment Weekly, Lucas predicted a massive fan backlash against the film. Whether it was because of most of the above problems or simply his experience in making the Star Wars prequels remains to be seen. It can be said, however, that a movie hasn’t had this much anticipation, this much marketing, including a tie-in novel written by an established writer, a comic book adaptation and several licensing deals, since The Phantom Menace. And we all remember how that one turned out. I haven’t seen this film, I’m not a Hollywood insider or rabid fanboy who finds a way to sneak into a preview screening. I’m simply a guy who grew up watching the Indiana Jones movies and despair for this new film.

But, not all others are like me. In fact, most of the population is probably the polar opposite. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull will be one of the biggest money making movies this year as people will line up for hours, possibly even days outside theaters. Hell, people will probably even dress up, just like they did for Star Wars. But my nostalgia meter works differently than most. Rather than become excited, I grow wary. My defenses go up. I’ve been burned too many times. As such, I will not go out and see this movie. I’m sure it’s going to be terrible. I’m sure I’m going to be disappointed. In Raiders of the Lost Ark, Indy’s friend Sallah expresses his concerns over the Ark thusly, “If it is there, at Tanis, then it is something that man was not meant to disturb. Death has always surrounded it. It is not of this earth.” The same can be said for the Indy franchise. It is far away one of the best series of movies ever made. They had action, humor, suspense, great dialogue and a sense of history and style. But if 18 years have gone by, without any real ideas to speak of to unearth the franchise, then it should be left alone. Spielberg and Lucas better hope their heads don’t melt.

On a final note about nostalgia, in this ever-increasing market of nostalgia based properties (i.e. Transformers, Speed Racer, G.I. Joe, not to mention the recent crapfest of old TV adaptations, such as Dukes of Hazzard and Miami Vice) there seems to be fewer and fewer original stories on film. Or, maybe it’s always been like this and I’m just hypersensitive to it right now because of the possible upcoming desecration of a beloved character’s adventures. But nostalgia is not reason enough alone to exploit the past. There must be something else, a story of substance with something new to tell. Otherwise, what’s the point? I dressed up as Speed Racer for Halloween when I was six years old, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to plunk down ten bucks to see it in theaters as a 36 year old. Go go go? No no no.